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Journal Entry 324
I returned from Alev today. It seems to be more beautiful every
time I visit. Sailing across its
blue waters, the sunlight dancing off the waves is an experience never
forgotten. Still, all good
things must come to an end and I was looking forward to seeing Agmis again
but when I returned I
couldn't find him and my friends in the Gaelin village told me that he
had linked to D'ni. I went
there and found the white linking book sitting on the table inside his
father's library. As I was
anxious to see him again I ventured into K'aastor's Ice Age, Taiga, and
found his room while I was
searching. Within I found his journal, which I read and learnt
of his infatuation with me! I don't
know what led him to the conclusion that I ever had feelings for him more
than gratitude for enabling us
to return to D'ni! Surely it is obvious even to him that my heart
lies with Agmis and there it stays.
He must realise that his feelings are not reciprocated. But worse
than the realization of his true
feelings for me, I have learnt of his plans to get rid of Agmis to pave
the way for my future with
him! A life without Agmis is not worth contemplating but a future
with K'aastor is worse a fate! I
was just putting the journal away when K'aastor arrived. Luckily he didn't
see anything and
doesn't realise that I know of his true feelings for me despite his attempts
to disguise them. He is a
good liar and if I didn't already know his true feelings for me, his performance
today wouldn't have led me to
believe we were anymore than just good friends. Fearing what he may
do to Agmis if I left him
alone, I stayed to keep him occupied which meant listening to him ramble
on about his past and his
plans for the future.
Journal
Entry 325
I went with K'aastor to search the D'ni libraries for ages during which
he told me his life story. My
mind was a million miles away though, buried in thoughts about how to get
rid of K'aastor from
Agmis' and my life. I thought the most obvious solution at first
would be to trap him in Taiga by
destroying the linking book back to D'ni. He has several blank books
there which he could've used
to expand his worlds if he needed. At least that way he wouldn't
be trapped alone forever. This
would've taken some careful planning but I was prepared to do that until
K'aastor told me to my
face of his feelings for me. They are a lot stronger than I first thought.
So strong that he will resort
to killing my love, Agmis by trapping him in the ruined age of Amerak!
Where he gets the idea that
I am in love with him from is beyond me. It is impossible to comprehend
the confused chains of
thoughts that pass through his evil mind! He infuriates me so much
that I can barely continue to
keep up this charade, but then I think of Agmis and the thought of being
safe in his arms again is all
the persuasion I need to continue with my plan. The more K'aastor
tells me of himself, the more I
hate him and I fear he may be dangerous to others so I am resorting to
trapping him in Amerak
instead of Taiga.
Journal
Entry 326
I have written the letter to Agmis telling him to meet me in Amerak tomorrow
and delivered it to
the study in Gaelin just as K'aastor asked me to do. Still caught up in
his own world, he didn't think
to check the letter before I delivered it. It still amazes me that
he has placed complete trust in me
after such a short period getting to know one another. He doesn't
doubt my love for him at all
which I suppose is what I wanted or rather what I needed for my plan to
work; I was able to
reveal his plan to Agmis in the letter that was supposed to trick him into
linking to Amerak whilst
letting K'aastor think I was going along with his plan and was still in
love with him. In the letter I
explained K'aastor's plan to link to Amerak with our own linking book and
start a fire. I explained
how K'aastor and I are meant to wait for him then drop the linking book
into the fire as we touch
the panel, leaving him trapped. However, if he brings a linking book
of his own to Amerak, K'aastor will
take it from him and link through with me as the linking books burn leaving
him to die of starvation
on Amerak but how above all I still love him and am only going along with
K'aastor for his safety.
K'aastor has almost thought of every eventuality. It's as if he has
forgotten, or never even realised
how deep my feelings are for Agmis. He is obviously inexperienced
and doesn't understand
rational emotions, but how can I expect him to when his feelings are barely
rational? Cold hatred
strong enough to want to murder someone is not a natural emotion.
I feel bad that it has to end like
this, in a way I'm just as bad as he is but it's the only way I can save
my love. K'aastor has caused
enough damage already... Amerak used to be so beautiful, I only wish
I'd found out about
K'aastor's feelings for me earlier and told him I don't feel the same way,
maybe then he wouldn't
have tried to fix Amerak for me and Agmis' family age, that has been passed
down through
generations, would not be ruined. But it's useless going over it
now, no one can change the past, I
shouldn't blame myself, I should focus on the present and what I can do
now, the details of my plan
aren't yet finalised so I must hurry, it has to be ready for tomorrow,
it has to work for both our
sakes. I don't think I could face losing him... |